Writing is to liberate my soul
- Aoyumi Jung
- Jun 23, 2022
- 4 min read
Mid-point Reflection 06 2022
Foreword: Feel free to tell me to get married to a Vietnamese guy, speak Vietnamese with a Hanoi accent, increase weight, wear dress and make-up, or study in a cold country for fair skin. I will reply: “thank you”. I quit a prestigious university for an unknown path before. I took a gap year in my 20, going anywhere possible alone without asking for my parents’ money. I have the guts to challenge social norms not to protest the perceptions but to meet my own belief and self-actualization. I am actualizing my happiness and human rights. I only live once. :)
I told myself that I wouldn't be writing if I hadn't made any visible progress since 18 May. I normally write lengthily on matters of personal discovery, emotions and jobs. I need a pause to contemplate on the development of thinking and action. I was worried about my future plan in May due to the disconnection to the ones I love, and the uncertainty of decisions and opportunities. Now, almost everything is liberated, again.
Consideration of the future is constant in my mind. Yet a strong mental crisis about the future comes once in a while. In the stream of life where many plans run in the short-term, I have to be ready for quick planning and transitions. Luckily, I am not afraid of challenges or failure. I might die, which is the last straw. If I am still alive, I dare take risks to do extraordinary things, but maybe not bungee jump HAHA. I am used to making wild choices that dissatisfy people or the society but make my heart happier.
I recently got a quote under my skin:
“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince Book.
I do things to fulfill my heart, fuels my energy. I feel good if my actions can positively boost others’ energy. If not, I am fine. I don’t try to keep my body good-looking with fair skin and decent weight to the extent that every person I have met in Vietnam for the past home return has asked me to. I try to stay healthy to pursue my passion and attend adventurous journeys. I keep myself somewhat physically resilient to perform and enjoy outdoor work, survival jobs and academic achievements. I have biked super early with my dad and maintain a mixture of exercises due to the purpose - health and liberation.
When people say Vietnamese girls are beautiful, Vietnamese hate Chinese and Americans, Vietnamese are not on good terms with Cambodia. I encourage them to unlearn thoughts perpetuated from the majority instead of personal experience. Science has limitations, but norms are even more judgmental and stereotypical. If living in this democratic globalized world, one still makes such assuming statements, not just about my country, one might not want to learn to adapt to social changes or be ignorant. (I acknowledge that I am also assuming.) The nature of human behaviors like grouping and associating things fosters social networks and cultural assimilation. Ones stick around like-minded groups and go for common sense.
I like individuals that look for actual satisfaction, pragmatism and liberalism, or dare to practice the school of thoughts they believe in. I respect and learn to empathize with the diversity of humans. Diversity empowers individualization.
The reunion to my hometown is a learning period where I just feel and think. I take action and let things go. I named most of acts with the word “liberation” as the way I feel:
My liberation water
My liberation bike
My liberation hike
My liberation ride
My liberation read
My liberation music
My liberation photo
My liberation food
…
My liberation thought
I am inspired by the series "My liberation notes". It is true that writing liberates my soul.
I have completed most of my intended things on this trip. Most are more quality-connection-focused rather than for socialization. I have better communicated with my parents and sister. My relatives and teachers still care about me and talk to me with enthusiasm. My good friends are there, supporting me and warming my time. They come to see me, I come to see them when possible. This friendship is priceless. I managed to find my friendship some years ago when I did not have a sense of my identity. Then we watch each other’s growth. I am grateful for saying “no” to some invitations to go for my heart-directed choice. I am grateful that my beloved ones are healthy and living for happiness. I am grateful that I paid for this trip with so much opportunity cost of working and internship. And I know I am doing the right thing at the right time.
I have a clearer future plan for the next year, and a rough-to-be-revised 5 year plan. I will embark on a couple of serious crises by then. Soon, I will go back to Thailand to continue my wonderful study, work, love and everyday happiness blended with ambiguity/ negativity. I will work on the annoying parts of myself. I will ask questions and reach out for help. I will speak up for anything which I should be accountable for. I will try to ask my heart even when I have seen things with my eyes. Thank you for this birth and reflection.
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