Random expressions on my hope and belief

20 July 2023

Showering in warm water, putting on cooling power to relax, and sipping morning tea. This is driving me to sleep. HAHA. 

Sometimes a random curiosity about why things happen, how the world works, who I am, triggered me to look up information online. As a result, I have watched world politics, Vietnam war documentaries and facts about bird migration in the past 2 hours. Such intuitive exploration sticks more than forced learning. 

I visited this lady in Thai Binh, first time coming to her house while she found me many times! Finally! We share our hopes and dreams together

The other night, Chatting to TR, a JUMP! Facilitator, a good friend of mine, I talked about the fear of losing facilitation skills after long breaks. I can’t be more ready to get back to a vibrant life of work. Though my schedule in August is not that tight, at the moment, I am open to opportunities and hopeful to produce some quality work. 

What a life of a fresh graduate! From May to October, freelancing and savoring every moment of life with so much freedom and richness of time. And, love. I should know that this is the treasured time when I am not committed to a full-time responsibility, coming along with the flexibility to learn and dive into new activities. 

I have become more confident in driving a car. I thought of a classmate this morning, Bambam. There was a time when we often met to discuss our group project. She often drove by herself from Chachoengsao province to Rangsit. I often look at drivers, especially girls, with admiration. I have fear of crossing lanes, hitting people, or being hit. I feel tense sitting in the car. I kind of overcame it and drove on the hectic highway the other day. I am lucky to have a good teacher, who patiently walked me through the steps, and adopted this survival skill! 

biking route, still hahaa

Never do I feel more serious about taking this driving course than now. I liked to joke that my future will be traveling around with my personal driver, so I would never need a driving license. Until I applied for a summer job in Japan which required that. But the pressure didn’t last. When I come home, my parents like to pick me up at the airport. They took turns to drive 200 km within a day in their 50s and 60s. On our family trip, they drove to the airport. On many travel occasions, I only sit lazily in the back seat. Now I wish I could be more helpful for my parents to rest and bring them around Vietnam. Mom loves to have a cross-country road trip. She is adventurous. I want to make it happen next year when everyone in our family is capable drivers. 

As everybody is talking about “flex”, and boasting about their achievements, I like to root for personal moments, contemplation, performance, and taking care of my family (chore work LOL). I’ve practiced more mixology, tea-making, coffee-ing, long-distance daily cycling, first-time calligraphy, reading history books, playing with my dog, watering plants, journaling, traveling with my cousins, and meeting up with good friends. I am so full of happiness, love and awesomeness. 

I have read possibly 100 JD (job description) to see which role interests me. It is a really hard decision! JDs are skeptical. Some are overstating, some are abstract, some are complex. The saddest is its irrelevance. My failed applications might be around 20 ~ times. I laugh at my own failures. I will move forward with any opportunities that value me as an individual. Though there is a place that I must evaluate the decision to go. 

a beautiful bridge in Hai Phong city, with lots of French architecture... Places that I've visited to contemplate :)

Parents are the strongest influencers at this point. One is still a busy management woman, one is a busy retired worker. I am in my mid 20s and feel like my life has been through so much, which deserves rest. However, what have I done? Tiny bits. It’s time to swing again. 

I’ve come to a stronger belief that I am on fire to advocate for human rights, gender equality and social justice. It is something that I can just speak up about regardless of social norms. I have my words and reasons to back up my arguments - we deserve to be treated equally and we have the right to act upon our will.

I incorporated this line of message into my English lessons. I told my students about being the change we want to see. 

I stand up for it at our dinner conversation, I would talk to parents until they see my point, or at least be silent because of my sensible arguments.

Adults are often unaware, or unconscious that their words and behaviors are made of mental stereotypes. They think they don’t mean it, but it’s the unintentional behaviors that inherently manifest judgment and discrimination. 

I am more vocal about women’s rights when people looking at me are all about “my thin body and tanned skin”. Laugh out loud! I never feel light-weighted or dark. I am energetic and happy and loving of myself! People don’t really care whether I am passionate about what I am doing, but they like to advise me to change my “abnormal appearance” which they think is social standards, or their desired look. This sense of exclusion has always been in the same place, same level, or even worse since I understood “stereotype”. It never goes away. “Vietnamese women are miserable by nature, they have to sacrifice so much.” “As a Vietnamese girl, you should get married to one who speaks the same language.” These comments reflect reality, but not my life purpose and principle. I am already making a difference. 

Another excursion to Halong City with my beloved cousin (i know, my blog is getting intense LOL)

I don’t believe in social expectations or the majority, I believe in personal constructivism. My life is created by my own choice. Nobody can force me to wear a different dress, get an entrepreneurial husband, work in a corporate, or get married when I am not ready, etc. 

If my beloved professor’s daily duty is to advocate for ethical politics and urban planning, mine is about standing up for gender equality and human rights in any way possible. The urge to act on this issue is more burning than climate change or education now since the latter has become better lately. 

I am here to speak for girls and those people who aren’t empowered to speak up for themselves. No need for a Master Degree to be better at advocacy, no need for a high profile, walk the talk!