Conversation with Dad

27 June 2023

(not too) early in the morning, after biking, dad and I hung out in a coffee shop near home. The very first sip of the condensed milk coffee, cà phê sữa đá, expedited my neurons. 

I said “there is nothing like this in Thailand, coffee there is very plain, Dad”. 

“It is still not as strong as Southern coffee. Remember the small shop in front of our hotel in Phú Yên, they sell 10 thousand dong per cup which is super strong and delicious. It is said to be way stronger than coffee in the North.”, Dad replied. 

Then, Dad asked whether my major in Thailand is applicable to finding jobs in Vietnam. “Can you apply for work here?” 

“Of course! I do Global Studies, so I can work anywhere in the world Dad. My major is also interdisciplinary, I will never be jobless. Don’t worry!”. “We learn to address global issues, everywhere has problems. It’s just that I want to find places that align with my goals and values.” 

Dad was quiet. 

Dad focused on his transplanting work for orchid in our yard

Answering this while I still haven’t clearly seen how my future will play out. But I answered in confidence, 'cause I know I will be alright. 

He shifted the conversation towards working overseas to “do economy” (Làm kinh tế). 

In Vietnamese, this term refers to working for a living where one makes an effort to gain earnings and savings in order to build a better life. Dad exemplified many people who I don’t know, as our cousins or neighbors in his hometown. 

“Oh you know this person, who lives in the village, his son went to Korea and just built a big house.” “Same with the other guy, his son also went to Japan for around 5 years, he owned a giant house.” 

Forever examples. 

“Nowadays, every family should have at least one kid who works overseas. Otherwise, working in Vietnam can never be enough to build a house and settle down in the future.” 

And so, why do you keep telling me to work in Vietnam? And all of your examples are male-centered. OOPS! 

I understand very much that my parents want me to be close to them. They don’t want me to be too exhausted. My appearance, unfortunately, has implied a representation of how my life has been. Dark skin, thin, bony, signal of burnout from wind and sun. They feel bad because of their daughter’s wild outlook, I assume. 

Mom told Dad “don’t let Linh starve, feed her with good food.” I have been fed as if I am 3 years old. How odd that the harder I try to be mature, the more I become a child at home. I appreciate the kindness of my parents. I am delving into a life where I do chore work like when I was younger but without any studying pressure. 

Waiting is something that needs mastery. Waiting is desperation and full of anxiety. Waiting is painful so I often try to distract myself from something else. Waiting for something is just like having hope but don’t know if there is a chance. I dialogue with myself every now and then, and also with the universe. I ask whether what I have been waiting for will come true. I am holding my breath and eyes open for existing moments. I will smile when I read the result of the application, no matter what it will be. 

Today, I will start reading the book “On Earth, we’re briefly gorgeous.” (Ocean Vuong) So strange that suddenly I want to, and will get a birthday present for a good friend of mine. 

#dadandmom #future 

#selfandinternaldialogue