Compassion. It’s beyond empathy

6:55 pm. Friday. 13.09.2019

Learning Center.

I am moving my body tomorrow in a cycling event near Bangkok with some strangers I found out in Couchsurfing. Excitement.

Friday is chill with the completion of the draft speech with the message “Why should we care about the details?” I intentionally wrote it with all dots I have about the “details” since I knew the course “Understanding Human Communication” requiring one public speaking performance. We have 2 types of speech to choose which include informative and persuasive styles. Though we are free to choose any topic that we want to present, there is a limit for 25 slots for each style. Most of my classmates are fond of delivering informative presentations, contrasting to my intention. I both want to pursue my interest by talking about the details and challenge myself by conveying a meaningful message to the public which I haven’t properly shared to others. From the moment I realized the importance and meaning of appreciating the details, I want to bring this beautiful way of living to encourage people as much as I could.

This week has been not occupied with studying at all with only 4 classes, the schedule is added with some socializing activities like “Dinner with Vietnamese students in TU”, “Wai Kru Day event”, “Kayaking”, “Gym”, “Blogging”, “Cooking”. The other brain-mastering tasks are to work on “Crowdfunding and School of Gumption’s plan”, “Reading books”, “Go to Library”, “Share thoughts with Ajarns and friends”.

What’s on my mind?

Sharing a project idea to ask friends to join in my team has nothing wrong with it right? We all wanted to work on the Goal 4, Quality education after concerning which direction my idea is leaning towards. I was a bit out of mood to know the majority choosing the issue of “The gap among Public and Private schools”. They chose it because they all had experience on the 2 educational systems which allowed them to witness different learning experience. I understand that difference too and how much the students in the 2 worlds are differently shaped through my short exposure to an international curriculum of Oslo Met University. They only asked me about this issue in Vietnam for a minute and rushed to create a group Line as if this problem is selected for the group project. I was slightly annoyed and I told the team frankly “I am not sure whether I will be in this group for the project with this idea, I am not ready to be in the online group as of now.” I asked some of them about the reasons behind their decision, some said because it’s easy, some said because I want to change the public system, some said because I saw there is a huge difference. I was silent at that time. Continue with the assignment, with the subject matter as such regarding problem analysis and the iceberg theory.

Today, part of the discussion of SOG is about “Compassion”. Suddenly, 30 seconds ago, I felt some judgment inside my behavior on that group work time. Why I kept silent was because I was not convinced by the assumption that changing the public system is simple. I thought of Hai Yen immediately after hearing my friend’s response to my concern about their motivation. Hai Yen has been working arduously and wholeheartedly for the purpose of bettering the educational system in Vietnam and Singapore, yet it is still a long way to go to realize her vision, for such a brilliant women, collaborating with other talented people. And my friend put the statement simply, which was even ridiculous and childish to me. At least, I could hold back my thoughts from voicing them out into words. To reflect on the essence of Compassion, firstly, in thinking aspect, ones must be self-affirmed. This means we know our self-values and could detach our self-worth from external factors. If a person’s virtues are evaluated based on the outside conditions, they can’t understand others’ values. Secondly, compassion is embodied with a non-judgmental mindset. It is when we love and accept ourselves unconditionally no matter right or wrong we are, believe in our own inner beauty, so that we could love and accept others unconditionally. One important note here is to try to understand others’ childhood trauma which is manifested in their words, emotions and behaviors. Once we are aware of this concept, we could suspend all judgments and reasonate their course of action with their original pathway. It’s how Compassion is applied in constant communication. Thirdly, Compassion must go with listening to others empathetically. It’s all about caring. Listening has 4 levels according to Theory U, in this sense, it is to use the mind and the body to listen to others’ones. This crucial skill is defined as the combination of Head, Heart, and Hand to understand others, and even compassionate with others.

From this reflection, it refers me to how I think upon my classamates' expression. Maybe they have never seen anyone striving on this changing mission, their mentality is parking at the point of perceiving life as simple. To me, it’s much more complex, I can’t simplify things related to systemic issues anymore, up to certain milestones. Perhaps, it’s because we are walking in different paths, I don’t understand her and vice versa.

Now I want to talk about my sister, a 17 year-old kid. I asked her to help me invite her friends to like my Facebook page. She asked me how and I told her to learn how to google to research things. Her reply was “If I asked you for help, you should have told me how to do it rather than told me to seek the answer by myself. In this case, I hesitate to help you.” She is my real sister. I was pissed off by her text. It indirectly shows that she does not want to do it. I asked her why she responded to me that way, she said she doesn’t have time. Isn’t it an excuse? I don’t know. The rejection from my school is more comfortable than receiving this “offending message” from my sister. Life is not only about digging your head into books, bringing your bag to school and going home. I am getting mad, maybe she saw there is no adequate point for her to help me out in this task. She does not know her sharing is important to me, to my job. There is obviously lack of empathy. It’s a challenge to be calm in this misunderstanding scenario where people are heading against each other, with opposite motivation.

The action plan is to get my point across to both my friend any my sister. I believe I can solve it out. Let get things clear and get rid of all the mental clutter in my head. I already persuaded one guy in the team to join me. It is true that instead of suffering, or doubting on one another’s mindset, go clarify the utmost stories to co-create something. Also, I have done with the anger-processing with my sister, she seems to know why I got reacted aggressively, and I knew the cause of her “sarcastic and ignorant attitude”. This process is called “effective dialogue”.

After dialoguing with myself, I gained back the clarity and clearness to organize the messy thoughts. I have satisfactorily compassionated with myself, accepted my own doubt, and love myself more. Of course, I love my friends and my sister.

Gratitude.

Problem do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.

- The road less travelled-

#focus

#listen

#still