Bask in the sun and daydream

26 June 2023

I really like Choi Ung, the main male character in “Our beloved summer” Series. He is a calm person who aims for a peaceful life. He likes to bask in the sun and doesn’t have to worry about anything. Unlike Yeon Su, the high performer in class whose goal is to lead others and achieve success, Ung prefers a grounded life where he is by himself and works passionately in light music and green space. 

Today, when I had nothing to do, I gazed at the trees outside the window. The emptiness impeded wonders. Wonder what’s the point of reading books while I don’t apply much in reality. I was forcing myself to read the book “Bắt trẻ đồng xanh” (The Catcher in the Rye). I honestly have little understanding of the translated language (Vietnamese). I fell asleep in spite of a long sleep last night. Meanwhile, dad already prepared the main courses for lunch. I felt guilty and rushed to prepare for the rest. I shouldn’t repeat the history of some old days when the whole idea of occupying myself with something on computers and books means I spent time wisely. But no, it is about what value can be created out of it. 

Ben, our dog <3. He loves to sunbathe.

I thought of Marc Levy who said in Have a sip Podcast “Writing is a lonely job”. I agree. But I like to contemplate every second of having my words come out. I thought of Ajarn Tao, how can he read book after book given his academic readings? Some literature is confusing. I shouldn’t force myself to act like a bookworm when I have little connection to what I read. By nature, I can narrate books I love, and vice versa. So I want to be able to tell what I read to others too. I don’t want to just number the “book titles” I have read. Just ordered 2 Vietnamese books from Tiki, and I look forward to reading them, called Sai Gon-Cho Lon, people and the urban space. And One hundred years of Solitude (Gabriel García Márquez). 

Books of my summer at home, tracing my root

A day passes by with disconnected actions. I wrote a work email. I watched a tutorial to create a WordPress and became confused about the hosting websites. I was about to update my website to be more professional. Then I am like, do I really have to follow the mass? I am not a fan of social trends and norms. I like to do things that fit my mood and interests at the moment. I never give up on writing, I turned to handwriting. I also journal my monthly highlights, like all the years. 

2023 is a transition year from an academic title to a completely free duty, but worried with “adult” entitlements - the pursuit of employment. 

These days, I feel more comfortable closing the door of my inner mind to the outside world. Most of my personal writing pieces are stored privately. Sometimes, I imagine having someone who can collect all of my mundane writings since I started blogging in English. The person will help to create a storyboard and then piece it together into a book. In order to do that, the person must go through both digital and notebook materials, diaries and might struggle to read my handwriting. I can’t measure the word count and sensitivity of topics. Can the book help somebody in this world to live better? I also fear that my inner world is too emotional. The emotions are too multicolor and turbulent. Awesome, proud, shameful, weird, surprised, wondered, learning, admiring, indescribable. Forever. 

I push myself to jot down reflection when the experience just happened. The freshness won’t last, thus should be documented as soon as possible. Then more ideas and unexpected connections of stories will come along as the writing flows. 

“Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights. But you can make the whole trip that way” (E L Doctorow).

A quote I learned from the book “Nếu biết trăm năm là hữu hạn” (If you know a hundred years is finite), by Pham Lu An. So, when I have nothing to do, I simply free my soul through words.  

I wonder how I can be better at playing badminton. I don’t have a clear goal and have no consistent practice. For now, I wish to gain more agility and endurance. I have appeared so weak amidst 2 crowded courts in the school. I will visit the court once the national exam finishes to have more practice space. Will think of a bigger goal - train myself for a successful JUMP program in Mai Châu, Northern Vietnam. I will be the Program Assistant for the first time with the foundation, who can train the staff and walk them through activities, and take care of them at best. 

Mom’s smile this morning warmed my heart. I wonder why she always possesses the unlimited energy to wake up early and dedicate it to her career. Her career is important. I feel less fond of cities nowadays. I like to be at home. I wonder where I will be in a year, on 26 June 2024?